I woke up to some crazy sublettor apartment drama. TOTALLY my fault for going against my gut and subletting to this girl in the first place, because she is super high maintenance and somewhat of an opportunist. My landlord, though not thrilled at me subletting without his permission, is being unbelievably cool with the situation and being nice to me. What was I thinking by letting someone live in my apartment who had asked me what would happen if she died in there and they found her body and thought it was me? That set off a giant red flag, which I ignored. Why did I go against my instincts? Well, perhaps I needed to be reminded to always listen to them, so I don't end up in situations with people like this who take their own personal trust issues out on me. I am not a victim - this is a place I put myself into, and now it's up to me to get myself out of it and make the best of everything that comes my way and embrace the challenges life presents us, or the nudges to remember all the answers are within. In that moment that I told her she could move in, I chose fear instead of love. I think I convinced myself that because she was the one who wanted the place and could give me a deposit, I should trust she was the one who was meant to be in there. Somehow I let that override the 20 other red flags and her overall behaviour. What I should have been trusting was that maybe, just maybe, the fact that none of the sane sublettors worked out and she was my last chance meant that I should just give up my apartment all together. I mean really, what was I holding onto? I love my neighborhood, and my place was cheap for Hayes Valley. Maybe I thought I might not find another deal like that, which was ridiculous considering that apartment fell into my lap just when I needed it most. I walked in, knew it was meant to be mine right away, and then it was mine. It was that simple. Had I learned nothing? :) Also, I had been having lots of feelings (as well as numerous conversations with people) that while living alone had been really wonderful when I had a stressful office job and needed to come home to a sanctuary to devote time to healing and things, that time has passed and I needed something new. Now that I was self-employed and trying to make a living by blogging, writing a recipe book, consulting and preparing raw food for people, I spent a lot of time at home in front of the computer or in the kitchen concocting. I truly love playing in the kitchen, but being the social creature that I am, all this time alone was making me feel the need to live with people again. Add to this my growing desire to live in an intentional community, and I realize holding onto my apartment was me just grasping at the last threads of my old lifestyle. So I am going to find a way out, and feel free so I can embrace every moment of the changes in my life.
But before I got back to that trusting, abundant mindset, I went to Red Rock Canyon with my friend Evelyn, who is going to be joining me on part of this trip. We had originally met via Twitter, but shared so many ideas, so we met in person shortly after when she was visiting the Bay Area. She had no idea I was going on this journey, and made mention of her need to just travel with no end date and feel free. I was thinking of inviting her to join me, and then she told me about how she wanted to do something to battle the scarcity mindset and get on the road and promote hospitality with a roving tea salon that would connect human beings in this time of perceived scarcity. We were totally in synch with our goals and intentions, and the slight difference in means would allow us to diversify the trip and allow it to grow, so I got this big grin on my face and said she should think about joining me. Then the next night, I (not-so) randomly ran into her at a GI2MR Raw Food Meetup with Steve Pavlina, whose blog has been really helpful in me acting in alignment with my soul purpose, and she said she had decided to come with me. Later we discovered that my original cross country trip had morphed into it's community building grandeur on January 10th at the Abundance Workshop, about the same time she had posted her wish list for her Hospitality Tour, looking for money for a car, and I was thinking my trip would be much more fun with a like-minded companion. The universe always delivers exactly what you really need, exactly when you need it. :)
So to release some of my sublettor stresses, we went for a hike and talked and plotted and planned and rejoiced, and by the end of 6 miles or so of beauty and kinship, I was totally feeling back to normal. Here's some of the beauty that helped me feel balanced again, though once again, my camera is old and rather shoddy...Oh, and to get an idea of scale, if you look at the first photo, on the bottom right in the grass, that little white speck is someone in a white t-shirt. Everything was so massive, and so gorgeous. Nature is so vital to me feeling balanced, and my soul is soaring again.
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