Raw Vagabonding : Petroglyphs & The Born Again Indian

We spent our final morning hours in Moab scrambling around the canyons looking for the Birthing Rock petroglyph. We stumbled upon the Moonflower Canyon petroglyphs as well. There's something really powerful about seeing the graffiti originators' sacred symbols etched on rock, communicating with visual art instead of words. A deep feeling of the past appears in the present and reverberates ancient truths that are relevant to what is at the core of all of us no matter the time or place. It's not something that photographs can communicate - you can only feel it by being in the sacred space.







As we drove towards Arizona, we were greeted by the grand structures in Monument Valley. It doesn't matter how many places I've been or how often I experience them - I am still always in awe of (and my soul feels such peace in the presence of) these natural wonders. There is something to be said about the marvelous feat of man that is my old stomping ground of NYC, but I don't think anything man has made can even come close to places like this. The very fact that is was not made by man is part of the magnificence.

In the middle of our drive, something in my gut told me I needed to stop at this one particular Native jewelry stand. I had no money to buy anything and no particular reason to stop there other than the fact that I knew I had to. Thankfully I was traveling with a wonderful creature who understands and respects the power of intuition so we were able to flow with the forces and meet the self-proclaimed Born Again Indian.

A little less than a decade ago, when I was studying photography in NYC, I took my first cross-country trip. It may not have been a long, sprawling adventure filled with spontaneity and exploration, but it was a wonderful introduction to the immense beauty of the changing landscape from one end of North America to the other. It also fed my lifelong road trip addiction. I will never forget the power the land held over me, the Southwest especially. When we reached New Mexico, I could feel the souls of all those who had come before me and was enraptured.

I felt a calling to come back to these lands and spend an extended amount of time living there and photographing the Native culture and that feeling never left me. Over the years, I wondered how (and when) I would find the opportunity to spend time there doing something good in the community and build a relationship of trust and respect that would allow me to remove any barriers that might keep me on the outside. Now on my third cross-country jaunt, those seeds that were planted back then began to sprout...

We walked into the Navajo Nation Shop and just began talking to the owner about life and how things came to be the way they are. Most reservations I'd been on at this point were full of fast food chains, casinos and seemed so far disconnected from the beliefs of the Native peoples that have drawn me to the culture and earth-based spiritual beliefs many times throughout my life. I needed to understand more about this disconnect.

Alfred told us about all the issues with reclaiming the land. The Native people who lived here long before any of us don't ever get to own any of the land. Because the government holds it in trust, they are not allowed to develop it however they want which leads to a lot of economic hardship. There is a Native American government of sorts, but it's essentially a puppet government of comprised of figureheads and because it's so difficult to get anything done, they are often referred to as 'The Longest Red Tape' by the people who try to make positive changes.

We also learned a lot about his plans for the art & culture center at Monument Valley that was in the middle of construction. They are trying to change tourism in the area into a more authentic experience, where people can learn more about the ancient ways and get to experience more than just shopping. Local artisans would be shifting from their roadside stands to an actual arts center where everyone could connect and build community.

As the conversation shifted to spirituality & Catholicism, we talked about 'In the Absence of the Sacred' and 'God is Red' for awhile. Alfred told us that he was a "Born Again Indian" because he realized that for so long, he was pushed to not like what he is and now he is seeing the truth.

I noticed a bluish ring around his eyes, similar to what you see in older diabetics so I asked him if he had diabetes. He said that his eyes had just always been like that, but the conversation shifted to talking about health & food so I told him about my intentions for this trip.

We talked about Hopi dry farming for a bit and then he told me about a man in town who I should connect with who shared my interests. He set up free organic meals at the community center in town every Tuesday at 5pm and was trying to create a sustainable food program in the area using dry farming & hydroponic gardens. He wasn't sure if the hydroponic gardens were a good idea or not, I think because it's not fully in harmony with nature.

Here the idea began to come together in my mind of doing some service work in the Native lands to help educate the people and bring back the Native diet. Diabetes, obesity, heart problems, alcoholism and domestic abuse are huge issues on every reservation I've been to so far and while I know it will take more than just food to remedy these issues, I can't help but think that helping the people empower themselves by returning to a healthier natural diet will help them start to regain their sense of self and clear their minds to live differently. I'm not sure what this will lead to, but something is definitely taking shape.

I got Alfred's contact information so I could keep in contact with him and help manifest this project, whatever it turns out to be. I also want to be able to spread the word about the art center he is creating, as the arts have been such a big part of my life.

The days make no sense anymore and don't matter. I am living pure bliss in every moment and love the freedom of living on my own time and how that allows everything to take shape right before my eyes.

Raw Vagabonding : Vegas, Baby! It's All About Connections

I woke up to some crazy sublettor apartment drama. TOTALLY my fault for going against my gut and subletting to this girl in the first place, because she is super high maintenance and somewhat of an opportunist. My landlord, though not thrilled at me subletting without his permission, is being unbelievably cool with the situation and being nice to me. What was I thinking by letting someone live in my apartment who had asked me what would happen if she died in there and they found her body and thought it was me? That set off a giant red flag, which I ignored. Why did I go against my instincts? Well, perhaps I needed to be reminded to always listen to them, so I don't end up in situations with people like this who take their own personal trust issues out on me. I am not a victim - this is a place I put myself into, and now it's up to me to get myself out of it and make the best of everything that comes my way and embrace the challenges life presents us, or the nudges to remember all the answers are within. In that moment that I told her she could move in, I chose fear instead of love. I think I convinced myself that because she was the one who wanted the place and could give me a deposit, I should trust she was the one who was meant to be in there. Somehow I let that override the 20 other red flags and her overall behaviour. What I should have been trusting was that maybe, just maybe, the fact that none of the sane sublettors worked out and she was my last chance meant that I should just give up my apartment all together. I mean really, what was I holding onto? I love my neighborhood, and my place was cheap for Hayes Valley. Maybe I thought I might not find another deal like that, which was ridiculous considering that apartment fell into my lap just when I needed it most. I walked in, knew it was meant to be mine right away, and then it was mine. It was that simple. Had I learned nothing? :) Also, I had been having lots of feelings (as well as numerous conversations with people) that while living alone had been really wonderful when I had a stressful office job and needed to come home to a sanctuary to devote time to healing and things, that time has passed and I needed something new. Now that I was self-employed and trying to make a living by blogging, writing a recipe book, consulting and preparing raw food for people, I spent a lot of time at home in front of the computer or in the kitchen concocting. I truly love playing in the kitchen, but being the social creature that I am, all this time alone was making me feel the need to live with people again. Add to this my growing desire to live in an intentional community, and I realize holding onto my apartment was me just grasping at the last threads of my old lifestyle. So I am going to find a way out, and feel free so I can embrace every moment of the changes in my life.

But before I got back to that trusting, abundant mindset, I went to Red Rock Canyon with my friend Evelyn, who is going to be joining me on part of this trip. We had originally met via Twitter, but shared so many ideas, so we met in person shortly after when she was visiting the Bay Area. She had no idea I was going on this journey, and made mention of her need to just travel with no end date and feel free. I was thinking of inviting her to join me, and then she told me about how she wanted to do something to battle the scarcity mindset and get on the road and promote hospitality with a roving tea salon that would connect human beings in this time of perceived scarcity. We were totally in synch with our goals and intentions, and the slight difference in means would allow us to diversify the trip and allow it to grow, so I got this big grin on my face and said she should think about joining me. Then the next night, I (not-so) randomly ran into her at a GI2MR Raw Food Meetup with Steve Pavlina, whose blog has been really helpful in me acting in alignment with my soul purpose, and she said she had decided to come with me. Later we discovered that my original cross country trip had morphed into it's community building grandeur on January 10th at the Abundance Workshop, about the same time she had posted her wish list for her Hospitality Tour, looking for money for a car, and I was thinking my trip would be much more fun with a like-minded companion. The universe always delivers exactly what you really need, exactly when you need it. :)

So to release some of my sublettor stresses, we went for a hike and talked and plotted and planned and rejoiced, and by the end of 6 miles or so of beauty and kinship, I was totally feeling back to normal. Here's some of the beauty that helped me feel balanced again, though once again, my camera is old and rather shoddy...Oh, and to get an idea of scale, if you look at the first photo, on the bottom right in the grass, that little white speck is someone in a white t-shirt. Everything was so massive, and so gorgeous. Nature is so vital to me feeling balanced, and my soul is soaring again.

Raw Vagabonding: Eat Life, San Luis Obispo

Mile 293. San Luis Obispo. I officially no longer live in San Francisco, which saddened me for an hour or two as I mentally said goodbye to all the things I love about it (there are way too many to ever list!), but as soon as I smelled the campfires mixed with the coastal breeze down on the Peninsula, I remembered that I am always home. Memories of camping trips to Big Sur and drives down the PCH made me smile. So I'm living like a turtle, with my house on my back, creating home wherever I go on an almost daily basis. I have 2 giant bins stuffed in my car: one full of mason jars containing nuts, seeds, and other goodies; another one full of kitchen appliances so I can blend & mix on the go in parking lots or wherever the opportunity presents itself.

I'm staying with Brandie, who is pure love. Everything in her house exudes love, growth, and nourishment.

This morning I woke up to the sounds of Anthony & Jonathan O'Donnell, 2 of the most amazing kitchen angels I've ever met. They have such a passion for experimentation and testing out new things, which for me is vital to the experience of raw food, and life in general. Recipes are great for getting you started, teaching you, and providing you with inspiration, but if you really want to get into the flow and be present, working with whatever ingredients you've got to playfully whip up something from your imagination is where the real pleasure and freedom come in.

While I was making Coconut-Lime Cheesecake to add to today's dessert menu at Smiling Dog Café, Jonathan was busy stirring up today's lentil soup (one of the few cooked items offered, with the veggies thrown in at the end to maintain most of their nutrients) and Anthony was concocting the most delicious Lucuma-Hemp Bars, which he was kind enough to share his recipe for below. I'm so grateful to be around people creating such beautiful, nourishing recipes. Anthony & Jonathan are two super talented brothers and watching them play off each other and combine their unique perspectives to work together has been a blessing. I've urged them to set up a blog to share their culinary delights with the world, so if you like the following recipe, please sent them a message through Jonathan's flickr page (he's an aspiring photographer) and let them know you'd love them to share more of their magic with the world.

Lucuma-Hemp Bars
(courtesy of Anthony O'Donnell)

This makes a BIG batch spread out on a half-sheet pan, so you can always half everything to make less.

9 cups Coconut flakes
4 cups Hemp seeds
4 cups Cashew pieces
2 cups Lucuma powder
1/2 to 3/4 cup Coconut oil
zest of 4-5 Lemons
2 tsp Himalayan sea salt
1 Tbsp Vanilla bean powder
1 cup Raw local honey
Cashew Cream (2 cups of soaked cashews blended with 1/4 cup of water, juice or rejuvelac until super creamy)

Mix all ingredients together with your hands. Get nice and dirty. Form unto half-sheet bar pan, chill and serve.

In the afternoon, Luke, whom I also met last month at the Abounding River workshop, came back with the boys and we all made a very special order of Chocolate & Vanilla Strawberry-filled Valentine's Day Cupcakes for a client:

Lessons in Abundance and Community

Wow, what an amazing weekend of radiant, blissful energetic connections and being!

This weekend, Matthew and Terces Engleheart (of Cafe Gratitude) gave a very large gift to the community-at-large. They gave away one of their $200 workshops on abundance away to over 150 people in the community to combat the scarcity mentality many are embracing in this time of economic collapse and dismantling of the corporate world. The economic issues have not bothered me one bit. My opinion, however unpopular it may be, if that all of this happening right now is a great thing and is what needs to happen to make way for a more sustainable future. Of course I feel bad that people are losing their jobs. And it really bothers me that the banks are taking away peoples' homes and getting more money from our government, when that money should have been given to the people to bail themselves out of those irresponsible loans. But as tough as it is for people, I believe this is what needs to happen for us to shed the things that no longer fit us so we can make way for a new mode of living. We can take the benefits of all we have done this past century and combine it with all we have learned from our mistakes and create something beneficial for all of humanity. From pain comes tremendous growth, and I love America dearly, but it could really stand to do some growing up. The way we have been living is not sustainable, it does not provide freedom for everyone, it does not pave the way for greatness. With the dismantling of the corporate multinationals, we will see true greatness - the people of this nation coming together to create real, lasting change. People deciding to live differently, to set positive examples for others to bring us out of this huge mess we have created. It is fixable, and we are the solution. As a shirt I once saw said, "We are the people we have been waiting for."

Throughout the entire weekend, I connected with so many amazing, beautiful souls, experienced an even greater increase in synchronicity (can you say collective consciousness?), and listened to people bare their souls and speak openly and honestly about anything and everything. There was no judgment, everything was done out of love, people acknowledged each other for their positive contributions and strength, strangers fell in love if only for a few hours. It was really intense, and one of the most beautiful experiences I have had so far in this lovely city of mine. I got a glimpse of what life would be like if we all dropped our judgment of ourselves and each other, acknowledged are egos and kept them in check at the same time, and communicated with each other openly, honestly and with love and acceptance. It was looking at the truth, which is that we have an abundance for everything we need, and if we continue to be love and give, we will always be receiving all we need. I was running on such a communal high all weekend as a result of all the energy we were all projecting outwards to each other. I am so thankful for the new friends I made, and the lessons I was taught. Matthew and Terces, thank you so much for your love and wisdom, your generosity, and your willingness to share it all with us. It was truly a blessing.

Manifestation and a Sense of Renewal

Looking back on all that changed in 2008, I am truly amazed and grateful for what has become of my life and for all that I have created in it. It was truly the best year ever, and I know my life is only going to get better and better.

It was the year I finally stopped going to doctors (after years of conflicting assessments, incorrect diagnoses, people who wouldn't listen when I told them something physical was wrong with me) and took my health into my own hands and healed myself. Raw foods was the gift I was finally ready to receive and accept after it cropping up in my life numerous times throughout the years. It was the enabler that allowed my body to heal itself and regain balance. It was the year I let go of a false sense of dis-empowering self, and really learned that we each truly have an abundance of power to create our lives exactly how we want them.

It was the year that I stopped accepting jobs that were less than what I really, truly deserve. I let go of my fear of being broke and this false idea that I should "just accept any job that comes because you're lucky to be working at all" and turned down jobs that were not aligned with my soul's purpose. Some people thought I was crazy and judged my actions, but they were generally the ones who accepted any old job and were never happy with their work because they were limiting themselves. My first steps were to stop accepting jobs that paid less than what I was worth and fight for the salaries I deserved, but eventually this was not acceptable to my soul and I knew I needed to not worry about money, that it would come so long as I was following my soul's purpose. I felt the calling to work with raw food and nourish community and heal others, and slowly began to manifest this reality and make it mine. What an amazing journey it has been!

It was also the year that I began to make an effort to really change my long held views on money. I began to acknowledge that my thoughts are really powerful, and that my views that money was scarce, that I had to work super hard for it to have it, or that it was the cause of so many problems in the world were all false and were the reason why I experienced a scarcity of money in my life, the condition of working too hard, and problems relating to money. When I began to let go of those beliefs, I got fired from my job and was able to not stress as much about money as I would have a year ago. And the more I challenged it, the more I was able to create an inflow of money and opportunity into my life. It is slow right now, but it is growing larger and larger each day, and I no longer have a doubt in my mind that it will come to me because I am doing good things to build community and provide things of value. Value creation is the most important part of creating a sustainable income. Your soul does not know junk, so that path will eventually lead to...junk.

It was the year where I stopped putting energy into friendships that I felt held me back from achieving my true potential, and made room for the new loving, positive ones I have now that pushed me to be the best me. I didn't know what would come of it, I just knew that I would rather have fewer friends I loved and that loved me than a bunch of the unsatisfying relationships that left me frustrated and unsatisfied.

As I deepened on my healing path, it became harder and harder for me to have people in my life who who refused to deal with their own issues. I am not sure if it was the lack of support I felt in those friendships, or their inability to relate to me and me to them, or just me feeling like I did not have enough energy to be around people who were still stuck in that place because I knew no amount of me wishing they weren't stuck there was going to help. I think mostly it was this feeling deep in my gut that at this point in my life, those types of relationships were only holding me back, and I knew I could no longer surround myself with people who did not challenge me and push me to grow, and that I was no longer serving them because I did not know what else to give on my end. You can't make someone deal with something they are not ready to face themselves, so I am sure to them, my pointing out the obvious was just scary and echoed their fears and made them feel awful, and I didn't want anyone to feel that way. Everyone grows at a different pace, and sometimes that requires us to let go of some relationships and weed our gardens a bit. So I cut the ties and let go of fear, not knowing that doing so would create room for more beautiful, loving relationships that confronted me with challenges daily and pushed me to be the most positive, loving, compassionate person I could be. By trimming the fat, and cutting things out of my life, I was actually manifesting everything I needed and desired. I am deeply grateful for the changes that came into my life as soon as I was finally ready to let go to some things I had been holding onto too long, and all the new people this attracted into my life. You have all been a huge blessing, and if I had not let go of my fear to hold onto friendships just for the sake of history or loyalty, I would have not met the people I have met. It's only when we are ready to risk it all that we truly discover all that we are.

It was the year when I chose to look deep within myself and actively discover who I could really be if I tried. Over the past several years when my health was getting worse, I was gaining weight and my acne was beginning to resemble a chain of volcanic islands, I was growing more and more fatigued, experiencing brain fogs, and severe mood swings, I began to stop seeing myself because when I tried to look at myself, I did not like what I saw. I was an emotional roller coaster of a mess, my face was puffy, I was overweight and felt like there was a second person covering the real me, and the happy shining person I once was seemed gone. I tried to look deep into my own eyes in the mirror and frantically search for that spark inside that would allow me to recognize myself, but I rarely saw it anymore. The spark was gone, and had been replaced with a dull luster. I knew if I were ever to get it back, I would have to use my imagination to create an image of my mind of the me I wanted to be. Sort of like the me I was before my health went down the drain, except better - this was who I would be when I was able to heal myself of ill health, and work on repairing all the psychological damage my ill health had caused, and let go of all the negative habits, behaviours, and defenses I learned when I was hurting and felt like I was being sucked down a black hole. It was the me I would be when I was actually stepping up and creating my own life, instead of sitting back and victimizing myself and making excuses for why my life was how it was. Yes, my health played a huge role, but I was seeking out information from others, when my body knew the truth all along, better than anyone else. So I was still putting my health and well-being into someone else's hands instead of taking responsibility for it and making it my job to fix it. No wonder I was so disappointed with the results!

We are all blessed beings, full of love and light. We often forget that, and when we do, we end up causing a lot of hurt, putting up blocks, and start believing that we are less - that we are not good enough, that we are incapable, that there is someone to blame, that we don't deserve love or happiness or everything. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are all powerful, our thoughts are strong, our words, our actions, and our attitudes...they are all important and through them we create our realities. So here's to manifesting the lives we want and deserve. Here are the things that I am focusing on next in my life. I wouldn't call it a wish list, because they are not wishes - they are things I am focusing my energy on and creating:

I am starting a raw chocolate company.
I am expanding my raw chef base to do retreats and events.
I am buying land and creating an intentional permaculture community that nourishes connection, community and education.
I am having the best life ever, every day.
I am loving my family, friends, community, and every challenge that comes into my life and offers me an opportunity for growth.
I am giving more than I have ever given before, and then some.